Monday, December 1, 2008

Back to Work

Hope you had a great Thanksgiving. You know what sucks? Going back to work after a long holiday weekend. The degree to which your first day back will suck is determined by the attitudes of your co-workers. Everyone shows up with a different outlook on the day. Some lines that you're going to hear a thousand times today with my snooty remarks below (stuff I'd never actually say, but stuff that's going through my head):

"I wish I were still on vacation!!!"
I wish you were still on vacation, too.

"I need a vacation!"
I see what you're doing here. You're being ironic because you just had a vacation, and here you are saying you need one. Clever.

"Don't you remember? We talked about it on Wednesday."
No, I don't remember. Please lower your expectations of me immediately.

"I really don't eat turkey."
Is that so? Are you also a communist? Everyone eats turkey on Thanksgiving, and you're not special if you don't.

"Oh Gosh, I must have gained ten pounds!"
Get out of town! You mean you stuffed your face for 5 days straight and you experienced weight gain?

Also, get ready to rehash your weekend, step by step, with everyone you talk to, even people you don't know. I've got a pre-packaged line ready: "Oh, you know, the usual, lots of food, lots of football. Saw some old friends, which was nice. What about you?"

Mondays are lame. Mondays after a long weekend are worse.

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